34,000 feet up

     The worst thing for me is knowing that something is coming up.  Not just anything, like when prom is coming up I am very excited, and it isn't a bad thing at all.  But when it's something like a dentist appointment, test, or an airplane ride, that's when it is terrible for me and my health.  I have spent this last week worrying and stressing about my flight home.  This week couldn't have been any slower, but the day is finally here.  I'm sitting here watching planes land and takeoff, people walking around scurrying to get to their gate, and nobody seems to be anxious in any way.  Everyone is hunched over in their seats, shoulders relaxed, mind seeming calm.  Here I am sitting at a table, fingers racing over my keyboard, shaking hands, and barely able to eat my burrito from McDonalds.  My shoulder devil is sitting across the table from me.  He keeps trying to talk to me, saying that this flight won't make it to San Jose.  I'm trying to tune him out by listening to music and distracting myself.
     He really is annoying, never leaving me alone.  This week I have been sick to my stomach and barely able to eat.  I have had many sleepless nights, including waking up at 5 this morning and not being able to fall back asleep.  Although he hasn't left me alone all week, I have found ways to take a break from him.  I have experimented with meditation this week.  I downloaded the Calm app and have done multiple meditations so far.  There are some breathing techniques it walks you through to calm your mind and release stress.  I have found that it relaxes me so  much.  I haven't ever thought that meditation is a real thing, just something that hippies do.  I am realizing I should never think harshly about things that I haven't tried yet.  Meditation has helped me so much this week, and I have even downloaded some emergency anxiety meditations for my flight in an hour.
 
 Along with the meditations I have downloaded, I brought some activities for me to do.  I have shows downloaded onto Netlfix to watch, a book to read, and some materials to make bracelets.  I am also planning on trying to talk with the people next to me.  When Jared flew with me back in August, it was so nice to be distracted and have someone to talk to.  I feel like my "almost cure" for my anxiety is to be distracted.  It is hard for me to get my mind to focus on anything else.  I am like a deer in the headlights and can't function when it comes to my anxiety.  Once I get distracted my mind fucntions better than it was when I was stuck like a deer. 
     One last thing that is really keeping me going is, of course, seeing my family.  I haven't seen them since I left for the school year.  I am so excited to spend the next 10 days with them.  I have the opportunity to surprise my two younger siblings.  My flight was originally planned for next week, but I decided I was okay missing school and spending some more time with my family.  I didn't tell my two younger siblings about the change, so they are not expecting me at all.  I am so excited to relax and have a fun time with my family.  Sometimes you need to look a bit into the future to relieve anxiety and stress.