Special Gifts

     Along with the devil on my shoulder he comes with many special gifts whenever he appears.  These are known as symptoms.  Everyones anxiety symptoms are different depending on the person and what is happening.  For example: I have a car so that I can get where I need to go since I am not living with my family.  My family has had this car for about 4 years, and before we got it it was my Aunt's car.  I don't know a ton about cars, but to sum it up in January when I started driving it it decided to die whenever I got to a stop light.  This caused me to have to roll into the nearest bike lane or just anywhere off the road.  This would cause me so much anxiety; my hands would sweat, my ears would feel blocked off from anyone in the car trying to talk to me, and I felt like I was in another bubble.  Even though we got the car fixed and it would no longer do this, I still have these special gifts when I come to a stop.  I have been told by my parents, boyfriend, and even counselor that the car is fixed and I have no reason to stress.  This little shoulder companion likes to take over everything they are saying and tells me the opposite.  I am completely fine driving any other car but my own.
     Gross sweaty hands isn't the only symptom that comes along with this.  I tend to rock back and forth when I'm anxious and I can't seem to stay still.  You can actually see this often when someone is giving a speech in class and they may be fidgeting with something in their hands or they can't stay still.  Another thing that happens to me is the fight or flight mode, but I am not a fighter. 
     I have had an odd fear of fireworks ever since I was young.  I was at a firework show with my family and some how one of them didn't go up into the air and instead popped into the crowd.  I got burnt just a bit on my leg but that was enough for me.  Ever since then, if there is a large firework popped near me, my first reaction is to run in the opposite direction.  I remember being at the beach on the Fourth of July once.  If you have been to an Oregon beach on the fourth you would understand that it's like a war zone out there by the water.  Fireworks exploding all around you, the sky all lit up.  This was my worst nightmare.  I remember seeing someone light one and as it was about to go off I scream, "WATCH OUT!" as I run in the other direction.  I spent the rest of that night with my ears plugged, sitting in a chair with a blanket over me.  
     Sometimes I definitely feel alone when I have these kinds of symptoms, and that's why I share them with you.  Also, there are many symptoms people do not even recognize that happen to them.  I'm sure I have many other things that people notice that I do, but in the moment with the amount of stress going through my mind I don't take time to notice them.  I know I've already said it multiple times but I cannot stress it enough; you are not alone.  People feel the same way as you, I promise.  Keep on going and stay positive.