Making Changes and Bad Days

   This summer my number one goal has been to work on myself.  I need to work on myself before I go back to Oregon and I'm no longer with my family constantly.  It has been a hard thing for me to realize that my emotional well being and my physical health should be my first priority.  I figured this out by watching a video someone put up talking about how they care so much for others and eventually realized she wasn't even caring for herself.  It has been a perfect time for me this summer since I am somewhat removed from being with my friends and being social.  The first step I have taken is to figure out what I need to remove from my life that causes me these anxieties and bad feelings. 
     The first anxiety I have removed from my life is social media.  I no longer have Instagram or Snapchat downloaded on my phone.  I still have Facebook because the majority of the people I have on there I am close to and I haven't noticed much of an issue with it.  When I had Instagram on my phone I was constantly comparing myself to others.  I would see how many comments people would get on their pictures and I would feel as if I can't post anything because I won't get nearly as many.  I had a second account that I would just be constantly complaining on.  My Mom constantly told me nobody likes to just read constant negativity, and now I see what she is saying.  I would be such a hypocrite to keep posting on that account when I literally have this blog I'm writing on talking about how to stay positive. 
     Snapchat I would just spend countless hours on looking at what others were doing.  I deleted it so that I can spend time doing better things.  I am in no way at all writing this thinking that I am better than anyone else because I removed these from my life! I love Instagram and Snapchat and all social media, but personally for me it has just caused me too much anxiety.  I am just sharing how I am learning that there are certain things in my life I need to remove to improve myself. 
     Overall, I just want to point out that there are ways that you can work on getting better.  It really is not easy for me to not have my social media anymore because it took over such a big part of my life and now I find myself feeling empty without it, but I do feel like I am getting better.  Going off of this, I am not living a perfect life now.  I definitely am still having some bad days.  There will never be a full cure for anxiety.  You can take all the medications you're prescribed but it won't cause you to be happy and positive all of the time.  I have found myself these past few days having a hard time with my anxiety and trying to deal with it.  I hate that it affects my family and my relationships that I have because I have people who are worried about me and want to talk to me.  I get so embarrassed when someone tries to talk to me about it because a lot of the time it just doesn't make sense.  That's all I can describe it as, not making any sense. 
     When I avoid these conversations with people they become more worried and keep pushing.  This just causes me to feel more stressed out and embarrassed because I hate when people worry about me.  I am such an independent person, I feel like I can do everything on my own.  I need to work on being more open with my parents who try and help me and with my boyfriend who puts up with so much.  I constantly feel like nobody wants to help or hear about anything but I need to work on noticing that these people are really trying to help.  I need to change how I run from conversations and need to get the help that is all around me. 
     I know that this blog is all about being positive, but like I said before, I have bad days.   Everyone does.  I am slowly making these changes in my life and it isn't easy.  I know that in the future I will be so grateful looking back on these changes I am making.  Even though it is feeling pretty dang negative right now, I know it will all turn out positive in the end.