When I was younger I was absolutely terrified of doctors. I remember hiding under my bed crying not wanting to leave to an annual check-up. When I'm asked why I hate them, I have no answer whatsoever. Yeah, shots and other kinds of things hurt; but that's not my big reason for hating them. I have no explanation for why I hate the doctor so much. It's my anxiety, causing me to not have any explanation for my fear. My shoulder devil just appears and tells me, "It's time to be scared now!"
The last 6 months I have been almost always feeling under the weather. I am always tired, never have any energy to do anything, and sometimes I don't even feel like I am in my own head. I finally got the guts to go into my doctor and finally got some answers. I was told that I have hypothyroidism, which means that my thyroid, (which I have discovered is not in your thigh), doesn't produce enough of the hormone that it is in charge of producing. This causes you to have a slow metabolism, no energy and to be tired very often. There are so many other things that this sickness does but these are just the ones that affect me the most. This last month I have barely been able to go a day without taking a nap. Very rarely am I able to sit down and not nod off and fall asleep. Also, lately I have been losing a lot of my hair. We called the doctor and she said it is normal, but still is very stressful and worrying. Even though I am on a hormone producing pill, I haven't seen much of a difference since before I started taking it. In September when I go back to Oregon I will get my blood taken again to see how the medication I am on has been effecting my levels.
Another thing I found out is that I am borderline diabetic. When I found this out I got really bummed out because my favorite food ever is ice cream. These past 2 months I have really been trying to get my blood sugar levels down and evened out so that I can no longer be worried about almost being diabetic. When I have a sugar filled food, within an hour I get a head ache, shake, and get so weak I can't even function. For the most part my diet has been good, always making sure I have more protein and vegetables than sugar. It hasn't been easy, but I would rather go through changing my diet than having to deal with diabetes.
So what does this have to do with anxiety? My doctor told me once my thyroid levels and my blood sugar have been evened out it may ease my anxiety. I used to think that knowing that these are related to my high anxiety makes me feel like there is hope to a somewhat normal relaxing life. Then I remind myself, I'm not different from others. This is becoming the new normal for everybody. There is such a high percentage of teens who struggle from anxiety, and I am glad that I have it now at such an early age so that once I am living on my own and have a family I will have somewhat of a handle over it. I am very blessed also to have my doctor and counselor who help me talk through things and figure it all out.
Living on my own has helped me to be able to call and make my own appointments and fill my own prescriptions. I used to not even be able to buy something at a grocery store without my mom next to me. Hypothyroidism requires you to get your blood drawn every three months. When I'm sick I recently have been checking my blood sugar by pricking my own finger. I have grown so much in the past year. I have been pushed out of my comfort zone and need to depend on myself for things since my parents aren't always around. Even though this increases anxiety most of the time, I feel at the same time it helps me since I am forced to push through it. Trust me, it sucks needing to do something my brain almost refuses to do. I know anxiety can never be 100% cured so I just need to work through it, and stay positive through as much as I can.
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